Guitar, Bass and Drummer Jokes

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Here are guitar, bass and drummer jokes. There are only jokes - don't take them too seriously!

1. - A Guitarist and a Bassist are arguing backstage and the Drummer walks up to them and asks why they are fighting to which the Bassist replies "Well the Guitarist detuned one of my Bass guitar's strings and he won't tell me which one."

2. - What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

One a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.

3. - A father, who struggled to be a musician but had to become an accountant in the end, gives in to his teenage son's wish to learn how to play an instrument. The boy tells his dad he'd really like to become a bass player. So the father buys him an instrument and arranges for some lessons on the following Tuesday.

After the lesson the dad asks how it went. "Great" says the lad. I learned all the notes on the E string.

The next week another lesson. Again the father asks how it went. "Terrific. I learned all the notes on the A string"

The next week it's time for the lesson but the kid's hanging around the house. "Don't you have a bass lesson?" inquires the father.

"No" replies the boy. " I packed it in. I've got a gig tonight".

4. - How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.

5. - Little Jonny says to his Mum "I want to be a drummer when I grow up".
His Mum says "But you can't do both".

6. - What's the difference between a bass player and a Duracell battery?

The Duracell battery has a good life.

7. - What do you call a drummer that doesn't have a girlfriend?

Homeless.

8. - A bloke walks into a shop and asks for a 50 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar.
The shop assistant says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?".
The man says "How could you tell?".
"Well this is a launderette" says the assistant.

9. - How can you tell if a drummer has been doing the crossword?

All the squares have been coloured in.

10. - What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.

11. - What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

Put a sheet of music in front of him.

12. - What is the definition of an optimist?

A Trombone player with a business card.

13. - What should you throw to a drowning bassist?

His Amp!

14. - How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the guitarist has to show him how to do it first!

15. - How can you tell if the stage is level?

Cos the drummer drools from both corners of his mouth!

16. - What do you call a bloke who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer!

17. - What has three legs and a knob?

A drumstool!

18. - How many folk singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four, one to change the bulb and the others to sing about how much better the old one was!

19. - How do you know when a singer's at the door?

Cos' they never know when to come in!

20. - What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?

Big Mac and large fries please!

Jokes 3 & 4 by Steve Power 12 by Dave Divis. 13-20 by Ron

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