Guitar Hero, Fret Wanker Or Cool Guitarist?

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This is a question that people spend hours of their lives thinking about (well some people do anyway). You may be an amazing guitarist but can still be playing utter shite or perhaps you are not so good but what you play is. Here we look at a selection of Guitarists and I make a final judgement on them.

I have to point out that this is just personal opinion, so don't get overexcited about it (this applies to Steve Vai fans especially). I'm just trying to point out that having technical ability doesn't mean that your tunes are any good.

Slash - Is he still in Guns N' Roses, one day we here that he is but the next there come reports that he has definitely left. The fact is that Slash is Guns N' Roses and a G'N'R without him is like Laurel without Hardy, Bill without Ben or even Mark without Lard. He may not be the technically most brilliant Guitarist in the world but when he wants to he can play very fast. His style is quite melodic and it is for this reason that he is good. His guitar playing complements Axl's voice very well and is one of the main reasons which makes G'N'R work. He is also one of the only people who can have curly hair, wear a top hat and still look cool.
Verdict: Guitarist Hero
Richard Oakes - Richard replaced Bernard Butler as the lead guitarist in Suede when he was only 17. People said that without Bernard Suede would die but they have gone from strength without him. Richard now Co-Writes the songs with Brett and his songwritting skill can be seen on Coming Up. His guitar playing is not complicated or technically difficult, there is only one solo on coming up and that is on Trash, mostly he plays rather brilliant Riffs such as the twangy intro to Beautiful Ones or the slow dreamy backing to Saturday Night. His favourite guitar is his rather cool looking Fender Jaguar. He is sexy and so is his playing.
Verdict: Cool Guitarist
Noel Gallagher - Manc. who only has one eyebrow. Plays in the little known pop beat combo Oasis. His playing revolves around a few simple cords and the Am Pentatonic scale so it is pretty easy to copy his style. He can manage to write pretty good guitar parts and add in some decent solo's when needed so..
Verdict: Cool Guitarist
Steve Vai - One of the technically best guitarists around. He can go up and down the fretboard and then up again before you`ve even hit your first note. He is not as fast as his guitar teacher Joe Satriani though. He knows all the scales and modes and has even invented his own scales. He is famous for his 12 hour practice regimes. However, what he plays is utter shite, it has no sort of tune to it and is hugely dull and uninteresting, his music is far too notey. The only people who buy his records are guitarists who wish they could play as well as he can.
Verdict: Fret Wanker
Crispian Mills - Kula Shaker's guitarist has managed to do what George Harrison failed to do - make Indian influenced music sound good. His music is definitely indie but it has nice eastern touches throughout the album. Although the riffs are quite simple they work well sounding fairly Hendrix like as he plays them on his Strat.
Recently I have decided that Crispian Mills sometimes seems to be a bit of an arse though.
Verdict: Cool Guitarist / Arse

Mike's Opinion

Guitar Hero's

Hank Marvin - Playing the classic shadows stuff, (NOT the guitar- substituting-vocal)I don't really need to qualify this do I?
Brian Robertson - During Thin Lizzy's finest hours and I must be one of the few people I know that actually liked Motorhead's "Another Perfect Day".
Gary Moore - Another important axe-smith in Thin Lizzy's ranks I'm less keen on his blues work that the older rock albums.
Randy Rhoads - Sadly missed, exceptionally talented guitarist that Ozzy has tried and tried to find the like of again.
Ace Frehley - The space-ace is thankfully back where he belongs in the ranks of Kiss.
John Sykes - (Up to and including Whitesnake "Slide It In") One of the most exciting guitarists I listened to in my younger days.

Cool Guitarist's

Steve Morse - Playing an absolute blinder with Deep Purple... Ritchie who?...
Kenny Wayne Shepherd - If you haven't already found out about this young blues player, then I suggest you do so quickly. Heavily influenced by Stevie Ray Vaughan, incredible talent for his years.
Alex Lifeson - I'm currently revelling in the new live album "Different Stages" but there are so many brilliant Rush tracks.
Marsden & Moody - Bernie and Micky played on most of my favourite Whitesnake tracks and I'd be really tempted to go and see them playing on tour together now.

Fret Wankers

Yngwie J. Malmsteen - Classically trained fret-board inferno or "twiddly" nonsense, you decide, but I know where I stand. Ritchie Blackmore - Not so much his playing but his attitude, never knew when he had a good thing going.
John Sykes - ( From Whitesnake "1987" to date)My previous guitar hero really messed up, again predominantly attitude related John never knew a good thing when he saw it. (although I have heard rumours that he is currently touring a Thin Lizzy line-up with the band members from 1983, obviously minus Phil Lynott)
Adrian Vandenberg - never more than competent, this guy isn't the right class to be in a band like Whitesnake - they really are a spent force now.

Thanks to Mike Throw for sending these in.

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