10 Steps To Becoming A guitar Hero

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'Find' a big wad of cash, £300 should do.
Buy an electric guitar, an amplifier, a guitar lead and a plectrum.
Sit down and play, it's not very loud is it? Well plug it in you fool!
You will now realize that you know Jack shit about playing guitar so you will need to learn a few things. If you have a guitar playing friend get him/her to show you the basics. If you don't have a friend buy some guitar magazines and get some paid lessons if you can afford them.
With your new found skills you can try to improve. Lock yourself into your bedroom for the next five years. You will end up having no fun and no life but hey, do you want to be a guitar hero or what?
At the end of this time you can emerge from your now crypt like bedroom. Once you have got used to the light and fresh air you will realize that you are now a master at guitar playing. You also now have no friends but learning guitar well is not a very social activity. (This also explains why there are no female guitar heros, they are just too social)
Now set up a band with yourself as lead guitarist. You will probably go through a whole load bassists and drummers but don't worry because at the moment they are unimportant creatures and are easily replaceable.
Play some pub gigs and get a local following. When playing live you will realize the full importance and value that bassists are to your group. You need someone to blame when you cock up your 15 minute extended guitar solo don't you?
Eventually you will be picked up by an A&R man who spots you at one of your gigs and believes that you are the next big thing. You will get signed, produce an album, sell shit loads of records, tour the world, shag several hundred groupies and develop an expensive hard drugs habbit.
Congratulations, You are now a guitar hero!

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